The Ultimate Fail

July5

Yes, boys and girls, I screw up in the kitchen from time to time. Only this time, this time I was mislead! (Imagine a fire & brimstone preacher voice here.) I was mislead by a false prophet.

This is my fail pie.

It doesn’t look very pretty because, well, pretty wasn’t my goal. My goal was tasty and diving into it because it was supposed to be good, and that whipped topping was taste tested and delicious. After we each dipped a clean finger in to taste after its final seconds in the mixer, we wanted pie immediately. Delicious pie slathered with divine vanilla whipped cream.

We dove in alright. But that was a mistake. Big mistake.

This pie was nasty. The more than generous coating of whipped cream didn’t make it any better.

So now, in an effort to save your souls, or at least your tastebuds. I will call out the false prophet by name - Paula Deen.

Let our experience throwing out nearly an entire pie serve you well. Do not – under any circumstances – make this pie. Save your tastebuds!

posted by Bitter under It's Personal, Silly

11 Comments to

“The Ultimate Fail”

On July 5th, 2008 at 6:03 pm B Smith Says:
I hear Michelle Obama is still looking for a piece of your pie. In this particular case, I’d think you could send her more than she could stand
On July 5th, 2008 at 7:29 pm Arizona Rifleman Says:
*shudder*

I really like the recipes from Time’s Badass Recipes!, particularly the homemade apple pie and crust.

Stupendously delicious. Unfortunately, I made it for friends once, and now I’m forced to make it for all gatherings of friends and family. Harumph.
On July 6th, 2008 at 6:43 am rightwingprof Says:
I tried leaving you a few recipe links, but was told I was spamming, so hey.

Whipped cream NEVER should appear on a pie. Never. Ever. Not in any circumstance. Meringue goes on pies. Never whipped cream.

That should have been your first cue.
On July 6th, 2008 at 6:53 am Right Wing Nation » Blog Archive » Ahem. Says:
[...] had a bitter experience with a particularly disgusting sounding pie. Chocolate banana [...]
On July 6th, 2008 at 7:06 am Bitter Says:
Of course whipped cream works on pie. Besides, the whipped cream was great. It’s what made us eat the second and third bites. It was the main part of the pie that didn’t work.
On July 6th, 2008 at 9:07 am bitchy mom Says:
I think the problem was the ricotta cheese. I just don’t think it belongs with the other ingredients.
On July 6th, 2008 at 1:34 pm Bitter Says:
It wasn’t the ricotta. In fact, in the now updated reviews on the Food Network say simply cutting the cocoa down or leaving it out completely vastly improves the recipe.
On July 6th, 2008 at 7:04 pm J Richardson Says:
I must respectfully disagree with Rightwingprof on the issue of whipped cream on pies. The best pie I can remember having was called Lemon Angel Pie and it was the highlight of my summer vacations in the 70s. It was served by a little cafe in Camden, ME called Yorkies.

Lemon Angle Pie had a melt in your mouth baked meringue crust, a lemon filling, and a REAL whipped cream topping. My mouth waters just thinking about it.

Now if the good professor was complaining about some of that artificial garbage that gets put on pies, I would agree 100%.
On July 6th, 2008 at 7:12 pm Bitter Says:
I presume that he meant any kind of whipped cream since I thought I made clear that we made our own whipped cream – with plenty of vanilla and not too sweet. Mmmmm.
On July 6th, 2008 at 11:22 pm ravenshrike Says:
Halve the cocoa, split the pie mixture in half and layer it. You’d still get a strong chocolate zing but there would be straight banana to balance it.
On January 10th, 2009 at 12:35 am Snowflakes in Hell » Blog Archive » Time for Action! Says:
[...] we get home, he will be held tied up in my basement, and fed on a diet of Old Milwaukee and our Banana Crap Pie, until he finally agrees to our condition that NRA fight the nomination of Eric Holder, no matter [...]