During the beginning of this episode of America’s Next Top Model, we jump right on in with Laura talking about her dead friend and how he had given her a stuffed animal. That’s right. You know where this is going. Sophie takes it and after a struggle, the ear gets ripped off. SOMEBODY drops the ear in the pool. It didn’t look like Sophie, and I can’t check the ep again because my fiancé already deleted it. Anyway, Kyle pushes the ear further into the pool. What a bunch of jerks! Laura thinks so too. However, I think it’s a little suspect. I know there’s no way Laura hasn’t told anyone about this stuffed animal and its sentimental value, especially since she’s been going on about her friend’s death for a couple of episodes now.
Well, after commercial, Laura hates Kyle’s guts because she pushed the ear further. But Kyle explains to the audience that she was simply trying to get the ear out of the pool, but was unsuccessful. That makes more sense, but I’m not sure she conveyed that to anyone in the house.
Moving on, in walks Lisa Haggardly D’amato to announce that the girls will be doing music videos for this week’s challenge. DOTH MY EARS DECEIVE ME?? Did Lisa say she won that music video challenge in Cycle 17? Ummm… Hello? Allison??
Lisa also says Nadine Coyle from Girls Aloud will be mentoring the British girls, and Jessica Sutta from the Pussycat Dolls will be mentoring the Americans. There was another Virgin Mobile shameless plug. Every episode they are pimping these phones. I am happy with my disappearing iMessages and iPhone thank you very much, Tyra.
The next day the girls go to the music studio to “sing” their songs. The Brits are called “Fiercely British” and the Americans are called “United Sirens of America”. I get it, but boy is United Sirens of America lame. I liked Sophie’s idea of calling the group “Sophie and the Others”. Also, does Annaliese look like Scary Spice to anyone else besides me? Anyone?
The US girls sounded soooo bad. Azmarie was singing high-pitched, and someone couldn’t sing at all (I forget who, as I erased that wretchedness from my mind as fast as possible). Seymone also had a booshie (I have no idea how to spell that) moment when she said that ’Ain’t’ is not a part of her vernacular. Whatever
“I SAID JUICY TOOCH NOT HOOCHIE TOOCH!”
NEXT! The girls head to a dance studio where they meet Tyra. Today she’s going to teach the girls to booty tooch properly. But before she can do that, everyone has to put on some shorts with butt pads. What? Azmarie is like, this shhhh is cray cray Tyra! So Tyra makes her leave. Azmarie, I don’t blame you because what I’m about to recap is kind of embarrassing. Tyra starts spouting out all this crazy lingo like ‘Nooch to the Hoochie Tooch!’ Smoochie Tooch! Dookie Tooch! Goochie Tooch! I wish I was making this up. Juicy Tooch! Poochie Tooch!
Anyway, the next day the girls record their videos. The Brits video was called ‘We Will Mash You Up”. The Americans was called “Stop Drop and Tooch”. The Brits were in sync, and overall did a good job. The Americans had a little bit of problems. Kyle’s eyes were stuck at a permanent deer in the head lights position and she was awful at the dance steps. And Mr. Jay thought Azmarie was too cocky.
At panel the videos played out. I thought the US girls’ video was lame. Eboni was overdoing it and it just wasn’t as exciting as the Brits. Plus I’m still singing the Brit’s song and I finished watching the episode 30 minutes ago. Kelly Cutrone’s favorite words this week were ‘nasty’ and ‘dirty’. Also, I still think she’s gross. My fiance was like ‘I don’t like that Maven lady!!’ Even though she wasn’t really mean this week, she still has a way of sucking all the energy out of the room. Also what she said about Azmarie, “Boaster, coaster, we should toast her.” She’s so witty.
Alisha gets first call out, then the rest of the Brits are called. An American is going home.
And the spoilers were right. Azmarie is sent packing. My fiance was upset. But the moral of the story is, don’t cross Tyra. You better booty tooch until you can tooch no more. Forget being photogenic and walking in runway shows. If you don’t tooch, you’re gone.
Tooch your heart out
Next week, more Kyle hate. This is getting old.